Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Contract for Believers in the Apocalypse

A number of people throughout the world appear to be convinced that the world is going to end in the next couple of years through some sort of global catastrophe or via some sort of religious judgement event.  That's all well and good.  People should have their beliefs, but I also feel people should be encouraged to stand behind their beliefs. 

Jim Jones of the People's Temple cult and Marshall Applewhite of the Heavens Gate Hale-Bopp cult are two of the more recent leaders to demand that their believers commit outright to their salvation.  My solution is no where near as drastic and requires no loss of life.

Put simply, I have a contract.  If you really believe that the world is going to end, or you're going to be bodily called to heaven following judgement day, or even a suicide bombing, then you should have no problem signing this contract.  Indeed failing to sign this contract merely shows that you have no faith and aren't worthy for the rapture you profess to be worthy of.

So here you go.  Prove your faith.

I (name here), being of sound mind and body, do hereby swear that I sincerely believe the world is going to end on (date here) or that I will be transported to paradise on this date.  After this date, I will have no need of earthly possessions.  Accordingly, should he survive beyond this date, I hereby gift all my monies and worldly possessions to Steven Barclay of Burnaby B.C. Canada, to do with as he sees fit.

Signature:

Date:

Please have this form notarized and mailed to my attention.  I appreciate your faith.