Morgan Freeman Did Die, But Was Returned To Life By God

The Vatican - (Nut Bar Alley)

September 5^th 2012 a Facebook page entitled R.I.P. Morgan Freeman was created and rapidly drew a large following.  Shortly thereafter representatives for Morgan Freeman announced that Freeman was the victim of a hoax and that he was alive and well.

As with most he said, she said stories, the truth would appear to be somewhat in between.

Early this week, a representatives for God waded into the debate to clear things up.

“Morgan Freeman actually was dead,” announced Cardinal Vittorio Romaninski, of the Vatican Publicity Office.  “We have it on highest authority that he did indeed suffer a major cardiac event which ended his life in the early hours of September the 5^th.”

Amazingly however, he confirmed moments later that the actor was indeed no longer deceased, due to divine intervention.

“God has confirmed that Mr. Freeman was returned to his corporeal form shortly after his arrival in Heaven,” explained Cardinal Romaninski. “Most extraordinarily however, the almighty has provided an explanation for the event, in order to ensure that the faithful don’t take things out of context.”

According to the Vatican, shortly after Mr. Freeman arrived in heaven, utter chaos broke out.  He was swamped by other residents, particularly the recently arrived, who confused him with God due to his roles in the films Bruce Almighty and Evan Almighty.

“God is, as you know, a jealous God,” conceded the Cardinal.  “It didn’t take long for the almighty to grow annoyed.”

This is not the first time that The Almighty has had to cope with an issue of this kind.  The 1996 passing of actor George Burns apparently caused a similar kafuffle in the afterlife which was only resolved after he and his wife Gracie agreed to spend some time on a golf course away from the crowds.  Even after this self-imposed exile there were still cases of mistaken identity.

“There was no way that was going to be allowed to happen a second time,” Cardinal Romaninski intoned gravely.

For the time being, Mr. Morgan will be allowed to enjoy good health and prosperity, but with provisions imposed by God. 

Over the next few years he must accept at least two roles where he plays the Devil, so as to counter peoples holy regard for him.

“Once this task is complete,” explained the Cardinal, “he will be welcomed back with open arms."

There are no current plans for Morgan Freeman to play the Devil, but his agent Jeff Hunter of the William Morris Agency is said to be working diligently towards finding an appropriate role for him.