Why I think What Sarah Sahagian Thinks of Movember is Irrelevant and Ridiculous

I read the article Why I think Movember is offensive by Sarah Sahagian expecting to be amused by a whimsical account of how a woman felt excluded by her lack of facial hair while being subjected to repeated viewings of cheesy mustachioed men conjuring images of 70's porn films.  Instead I was treated to a ridiculous, poorly thought out mental spasm by a woman who apparently has a problem with anyone who is white, male and Christian.

Apparently being white male and Christian excludes you from trying to do anything progressive.  White male Christians got it too easy from the beginning, now they should stand aside and let the less privileged focus on anything that might benefit anyone in the world. 

The thrust of her argument is that Movember excludes other cultures who might not be able to easily grow facial hair, people with religious beliefs that prohibit hair cutting such as Sikhs, and of course women.

She links Movember, a fundraising and educational campaign about men's cancers - in particular prostate and testicular cancer - to prejudice, racisim and racial profiling.  This is a leap beyond the range of an atomic powered kangaroo and in doing so she does little more than reveal her own prejudice against white men and Christians while demonstrating a staggering lack of concern for the problems Movember seeks to illuminate through humor.

"What of men who have a hard time growing any facial hair at all?" She asks, and then goes on to talk about how "...women with facial hair are routinely subjected to harrassment, violence and cyber bullying."

While it is true that women with facial hair are subject to all kinds of nasty abusive behavior, that has nothing at all to do with the Movember campaign.  This is simply a fallacious argument.

Men who can't grow facial hair are not prohibited from seeing others around them grow mustaches, and if they're offended by people who are able to grow mustaches it really says more about them than anyone else.  Regardless they can still benefit from the education provided by the campaign.

"Next," She says, "Movember is actually really racist." and goes on to point out how Sikhs and certain Muslims would be restricted from shaving their mustache at the start of the month by their religion.  Again, a fallacy.

That argument makes as much sense as saying that holding a community pig roast is racist because Muslims and Jews wouldn't eat it.  Ridiculous!  Granted not everyone can eat the pork, but that doesn’t mean it’s the only thing served.  There can certainly be other things on the menu to include everyone.

What Sarah fails to recognize is the other things on the menu with the  Movember campaign such as the programs stated goals.

Living with and Beyond Cancer

Staying Mentally Healthy, Living with and Beyond Mental Illness

Men's Health Research.

Movember is about starting a conversation about men's health.  Men all too often believe themselves to be indestructible and don't go to doctors as often as they should.  One of the great results of the Movember campaign is that of the men who participate, 85% of them will have a conversation about their health when normally they wouldn't have that conversation at all.  It is a simple, fun campaign.

To say that a campaign is offensive because not everyone can participate in one aspect of it - in this case growing a cheesy mustache - is ridiculous in the extreme.  Men of all races, colors and creeds benefit from the simple conversations it starts and the awareness it brings whether they are a smooth faced Asian or a scruffy Norwegian Viking.

Sarah should spend less time trying to be offended and spend more time spreading the word.  The Movember campaign helps all men, not just white Christian ones.

Couldn't Resist.

Morgan Freeman Did Die, But Was Returned To Life By God

The Vatican - (Nut Bar Alley)

September 5^th 2012 a Facebook page entitled R.I.P. Morgan Freeman was created and rapidly drew a large following.  Shortly thereafter representatives for Morgan Freeman announced that Freeman was the victim of a hoax and that he was alive and well.

As with most he said, she said stories, the truth would appear to be somewhat in between.

Early this week, a representatives for God waded into the debate to clear things up.

“Morgan Freeman actually was dead,” announced Cardinal Vittorio Romaninski, of the Vatican Publicity Office.  “We have it on highest authority that he did indeed suffer a major cardiac event which ended his life in the early hours of September the 5^th.”

Amazingly however, he confirmed moments later that the actor was indeed no longer deceased, due to divine intervention.

“God has confirmed that Mr. Freeman was returned to his corporeal form shortly after his arrival in Heaven,” explained Cardinal Romaninski. “Most extraordinarily however, the almighty has provided an explanation for the event, in order to ensure that the faithful don’t take things out of context.”

According to the Vatican, shortly after Mr. Freeman arrived in heaven, utter chaos broke out.  He was swamped by other residents, particularly the recently arrived, who confused him with God due to his roles in the films Bruce Almighty and Evan Almighty.

“God is, as you know, a jealous God,” conceded the Cardinal.  “It didn’t take long for the almighty to grow annoyed.”

This is not the first time that The Almighty has had to cope with an issue of this kind.  The 1996 passing of actor George Burns apparently caused a similar kafuffle in the afterlife which was only resolved after he and his wife Gracie agreed to spend some time on a golf course away from the crowds.  Even after this self-imposed exile there were still cases of mistaken identity.

“There was no way that was going to be allowed to happen a second time,” Cardinal Romaninski intoned gravely.

For the time being, Mr. Morgan will be allowed to enjoy good health and prosperity, but with provisions imposed by God. 

Over the next few years he must accept at least two roles where he plays the Devil, so as to counter peoples holy regard for him.

“Once this task is complete,” explained the Cardinal, “he will be welcomed back with open arms."

There are no current plans for Morgan Freeman to play the Devil, but his agent Jeff Hunter of the William Morris Agency is said to be working diligently towards finding an appropriate role for him.

Contract for Believers in the Apocalypse

A number of people throughout the world appear to be convinced that the world is going to end in the next couple of years through some sort of global catastrophe or via some sort of religious judgement event.  That's all well and good.  People should have their beliefs, but I also feel people should be encouraged to stand behind their beliefs. 

Jim Jones of the People's Temple cult and Marshall Applewhite of the Heavens Gate Hale-Bopp cult are two of the more recent leaders to demand that their believers commit outright to their salvation.  My solution is no where near as drastic and requires no loss of life.

Put simply, I have a contract.  If you really believe that the world is going to end, or you're going to be bodily called to heaven following judgement day, or even a suicide bombing, then you should have no problem signing this contract.  Indeed failing to sign this contract merely shows that you have no faith and aren't worthy for the rapture you profess to be worthy of.

So here you go.  Prove your faith.

I (name here), being of sound mind and body, do hereby swear that I sincerely believe the world is going to end on (date here) or that I will be transported to paradise on this date.  After this date, I will have no need of earthly possessions.  Accordingly, should he survive beyond this date, I hereby gift all my monies and worldly possessions to Steven Barclay of Burnaby B.C. Canada, to do with as he sees fit.

Signature:

Date:

Please have this form notarized and mailed to my attention.  I appreciate your faith.

Wikileaks Realease: There is no Santa Claus

Wikileaks stunned the world today with their latest release, a leaked Whitehouse report detailing the government's investigation into the existence of Santa Claus.  The report was commissioned by President George W Bush shortly after taking office for his first term.

Included in the report were high resolution satellite photographs of both the geographic north pole and the magnetic north pole, NATO radar records detailing even minor anomalies, and interviews with Canadian Arctic Rangers who patrol the high north.

The report concluded that Santa Claus does not exist, and if there ever was such a character in history he would now be long dead.

As a result of the report, it is believed that President Bush commissioned a second research project to investigate the possibility of a genetically enhanced breed of self-propelled sub-light speed, self illuminating reindeer for military applications.

Medicinal Value of Laughter Put to Test

VANCOUVER BC – (Nutbar Alley) The University of Western British Columbia released results today of a four month study testing the old adage that “laughter is the best medicine.”

A team of doctors partnered with comedians and political operatives to determine if laughter actually provided any kind benefit for people with a variety of medical conditions.

Patients with conditions ranging from the common cold to muscular dystrophy were separated into three groups.  The first was a “laughter group” which was regularly exposed to comedy routines.  The second was an “annoyance group” which was exposed to political advertisements and position statements from a variety of political candidates.  The third was a control group which experienced normal life without additional stimulation or torment and was given regular medication for their conditions.

Results, which will be published in the prestigious British medical journal The Lancet, show that laughter is indeed not the best medicine.

Dr. Anwar Milaowie summarized the medicinal results.

“It seems clear that laughter has little to no actual medical benefit when compared to proper medication,” he said.  “Patients in the medication group showed dramatic improvement when compared to patients in the laughter or frustration group.  Results clearly showed that suitable medication provided the single largest benefit whereas laughter returned minimal benefit compared to annoyance.”

For example, patients with herpes suffered major outbreaks regardless of their level of laughter or time spent being annoyed.  All patients with heart disease showed improvement with medication, but laughter proved to be fatal in one case.  Medication also showed improvements for all patients with high blood pressure, but politics caused two patients to suffer serious brain damage through strokes.

The study also took into consideration aspects of mental heath.  These results were monitored by a psychiatric team from the University.

“It is without question that the laughter group had more fun in the study,” admitted Dr. Suzan Medelsom, lead psychiatrist.  “However they quickly lapsed into depression levels similar to the annoyance group when the laughter stopped and they realized they weren’t being treated for potentially fatal medical conditions.  Indeed many of the candidates lamented taking part in the study in the first place and showed signs of serious despair.”

The study conclusively puts an end to the idea that laughter can somehow trump conventional medicine as a form of treatment.

“Let’s face it,” concluded Dr. Milaowie. “Sickness is no laughing matter.”

Economy Likely to Fail

NORTH AMERICA - (Nutbar Alley)  The economy today announced that, after many nights of binge drinking and forgetting to study for a mid-term, it was likely to lose all of it's scholarships, be forced to find a part-time job, move out of its luxury apartment, get a roommate and leave Harvard University in favour of community college if it was to ever earn it's economics degree.

The economy also is expected to enter into a rehabilitation program at the prestigious Betty Ford clinic.

"It is unfortunate that we have lost such a high profile student," said Nitin Nohria, Dean of Harvard Business School,  "but we need to have clear standards at this university, and the behaviour of the economy over the past few years has been nothing short of atrocious!"

Friends of the economy, speaking under the assurance of anonymity tell a tale of abuse of securities, subprime mortgages, stocks, bonds and derivatives.  They describe him as "out of control" and "addicted to compounding."

The economy may still face charges in Nevada where the district attorney of Jackson County alleges that he violated prostitution laws by shamelessly short selling in a public area.

A spokesman for the economy said that he was anxious to put the past few years behind him and to get on with conservative growth.

"The economy recognizes that he has plenty to answer for."  He said in a prepared statement.  "He regrets his eight year relationship with George W Bush and the damage that they have caused for so many people.  He was hopeful that his new relationship with Barak Obama would help mend some of the damage, but he now recognizes that only he can solve his problems.  Obama simply isn't the kind of healer the economy needs.  What he needs now is understanding and time to recover away from all the negative influences he has been exposed to in the last decade."

The economy now feels that following his treatment at the Betty Ford Clinic he may leave the United States entirely and move to China or India where economies are treated with greater dignity and respect.