Economy Likely to Fail

NORTH AMERICA - (Nutbar Alley)  The economy today announced that, after many nights of binge drinking and forgetting to study for a mid-term, it was likely to lose all of it's scholarships, be forced to find a part-time job, move out of its luxury apartment, get a roommate and leave Harvard University in favour of community college if it was to ever earn it's economics degree.

The economy also is expected to enter into a rehabilitation program at the prestigious Betty Ford clinic.

"It is unfortunate that we have lost such a high profile student," said Nitin Nohria, Dean of Harvard Business School,  "but we need to have clear standards at this university, and the behaviour of the economy over the past few years has been nothing short of atrocious!"

Friends of the economy, speaking under the assurance of anonymity tell a tale of abuse of securities, subprime mortgages, stocks, bonds and derivatives.  They describe him as "out of control" and "addicted to compounding."

The economy may still face charges in Nevada where the district attorney of Jackson County alleges that he violated prostitution laws by shamelessly short selling in a public area.

A spokesman for the economy said that he was anxious to put the past few years behind him and to get on with conservative growth.

"The economy recognizes that he has plenty to answer for."  He said in a prepared statement.  "He regrets his eight year relationship with George W Bush and the damage that they have caused for so many people.  He was hopeful that his new relationship with Barak Obama would help mend some of the damage, but he now recognizes that only he can solve his problems.  Obama simply isn't the kind of healer the economy needs.  What he needs now is understanding and time to recover away from all the negative influences he has been exposed to in the last decade."

The economy now feels that following his treatment at the Betty Ford Clinic he may leave the United States entirely and move to China or India where economies are treated with greater dignity and respect.