One Tenth of US Military Rendered Mute

UNITED STATES OF AMERICA (Nutbar Alley) – US Military doctors have been overwhelmed by a flood of service men and women who have reported to them unable to speak.  In all, nearly a tenth of the military is affected, which leaves the entire country woefully unprotected and overseas troops in extreme danger. 

It is feared that in Afghanistan, the Taliban could attack at any time in the hope that they can take advantage of the sudden weakness.

The plague follows on the heels of a Defense Department memo which warns gay troops to "stay silent" even though the “don’t ask don’t tell” law has been suspended by a California court.

“Soldiers who are unable to communicate pose a grave risk to our military security.” Explained Dr. Nellie of the Veterans Hospital in Norfolk Virginia.  “Communication is key to military operations, and soldiers who can’t speak are probably even more of a danger than soldiers who are openly homosexual.”

Because the order comes from the top military brass, gay soldiers have no option but to obey the order to remain silent.  Under Article 92 of US Military Law the punishment for disobeying the order of a superior can result in dishonoarable discharge, forfeiture of all pay and allowances and confinement for up to 2 years.

All branches of the military have reported cases of mute soldiers since the order was made, with the Navy being the branch most effected.  In the submarine corps there are numerous boats which have been reported to be long and slim and full of silent seamen.