“I was surprised as anyone!” Said the Lady Hurley. “Usually I just communicate the wishes of the dead to their relatives for a modest fee, but suddenly here I was speaking for the son of God. It was really trippy!”
Jesus, who’s words were witnessed by a host of slack jawed inbreds from the suburbs of Gainesville Florida reportedly came out fully in support of Pastor Terry Jones and his congregation.
“When I said, except ye become as little children, ye will not enter the Kingdom of Heaven, I really meant it.” Jesus explained. “What’s more childlike than playing with matches and having no regard for the results of your actions?”
“Sure my Dad considers Muslim’s to be his children along with Christians and Jews, but he’s never been a real fan of the Qur’an. Muhammad memorized Dad’s words and then recited them over and over. It’s like listening to a recording of yourself repeatedly. After a while it just gets old. By inspiring these people to burn the book it’s like erasing an old answering machine message that’s gotten out dated and just isn’t interesting anymore.”
When asked if he felt badly that Christians, U.S. citizens and soldiers abroad could be targeted by extremists enraged by the actions of a few radicals he played down the idea.
“Really, why would you sweat it?” He asked. “Anyone who dies is just going to end up here… well, or in the other place. This place gets pretty boring when you’re dealing with the same folks over and over. We could use some fresh faces. I’d like to get me one of those rappers that you hear on the radio. Those guys are dope, but they always seem to be heading downstairs. Maybe we can get one that’s killed in a state of grace, like right after confession or something.”
He admitted that his family was somewhat divided over his opinion however.
“Mom says I’m just ticked that Muhammad gets all the press these days, but that’s not it at all. Really he has an unfair advantage with his religion being newer than mine. You give a guy a 610 year advantage and he’s sure to pick up some popularity. I was thinking of coming back just to stay fresh you know? Dad says that would cause all kinds of problems though, so I’m stuck here. It’s kind of like being grounded.”
He repeated his support for the idea shortly before releasing the Lady Hurley.
“I really hope they can turn this into an annual event. Maybe they can add a few more books to it as well. I’ve never really liked some of the other holy texts. Dianetics, now there’s a real piece of crap. Put that on the pile. I don’t mind some of the Buddhist stuff, but Digha Nikaya, the long discourses really has to go. Who has the time?”
A spokesman for the Dove Global Outreach Center who witnessed the exchange reportedly was pleased to learn of his saviours support.
“We’re not adding any more books though.” He said. “What Christ wants really doesn’t enter into this.”
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